Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
