the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team