i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling