chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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