i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
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I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.