i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I forget how to act sober
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
