There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.