the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
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we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.