I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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