Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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