My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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