I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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