We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
