You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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