She's JV to your varsity
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
