shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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