I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My balls are so social today.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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