I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
