I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Houston, we have a blender
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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