Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
