why didn't you poke me back
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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