I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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