are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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