I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
