New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
