When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
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I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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