i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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