What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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