I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
