im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
