Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
