oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
