Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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