Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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