This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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