I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
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I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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