Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
