just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
