I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.