There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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