So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.