I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm getting married
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.