Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize