6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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