3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
