I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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