So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
