Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
