And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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