We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
