so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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