i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We're too hungover to prance.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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