Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
