I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
