we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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