i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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