Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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