Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
