i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
