Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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