3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
