I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think we might need a safe word for this...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
