I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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