And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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