woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
