In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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