we have pet lesbian snakes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
