just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize