he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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