I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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