I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
