That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
