Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My feet surprised me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
