if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
