Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
