Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
two words...techno handjob
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
